This summer my world was turned a little upside down, not by anything external but by sitting with an anxiety I could not shake. I have spent the better part of twenty years learning, serving clients, and meditating on what I thought I wanted when it came to how my work in the world would look. I have taken countless classes and certifications in various healing modalities, all to culminate in a body of work that I spent the first half of 2016 visioning, writing, developing so that I could launch my website, with a strong desire to be authentic, and I do not take this work lightly.
Several unexpected things happened in my personal life, including meeting an amazing teacher and mentor on a magical retreat I took to Mexico. I came home and for two weeks I was in a state of bliss and then anxiety set in, I could not shake it, something was not quite right. I decided to begin working with this teacher one on one, and at the same time began to read Heatherash Amara’s work; specifically Warrior Goddess Training. Both women were teaching me to do my work in a similar way, starting first with loving myself, listening deeply, relaxing into life, and realizing that I really have no control over anything, and certainly not anyone.
One day I happened to share my art with my mentor Santi Devi, and the first words out of her mouth was “why aren’t you doing this…out in the world?” This is your work, this is what you are meant to be and it’s inspiring. This was after she burned my house down and made me really question whether I wanted the responsibility that comes with being a healer, or at least in the way I thought a healer should work and that I spent countless hours studying.
Interestingly, I started off 2016 with some words for the year one of which was creativity, the other two were illuminating (as in bringing people to the light), and inspiring. These were the ways I wanted to feel in my life, and to help others feel, if they chose to take the journey with me. As I worked to develop my brand and my website I chose to go with a focus on the illumination, and as soon as I did, Creator played a big joke on me and plunged me into the dark. But, like most periods of darkness the biggest and brightest light emerged, after I used this time to listen really deeply, get out of my head and into my heart.
In addition to working with Santi, I was so moved by Heatherash Amara’s Warrior Goddess Training and it is so aligned with the work that I am doing, that I decided to embark upon her Warrior Goddess Facilitator training; and as these trainings go, you have to do the work yourself first, you have to gain knowledge and wisdom, teach that knowledge and wisdom and it is a lifelong circle.
In the Warrior Goddess Training we were asked to get quiet, connect with our hearts and ask ourselves what our True Work is, what is our Soul Work? This may or may not be the work you do out in the world, but is definitely the work that aligns you 100% to the Universe and with any luck be able to apply to all aspects of your life; its your sacred assignment. For some of us, the work we do out in the world to pay the bills, and keep food on the table is not our True Work but how we operate while doing that work is. For me, at least for the last twenty years there has been in my mind no separation between the work I do in my internal world with the work I do out in the world; and I felt blessed to be able to pursue any and everything I wanted to learn and do; and I was convinced that being a healer was my soul work.
Then one day with some guidance I woke up and realized how I thought my work in the world was supposed to look was not at all what my soul wanted; everything until now has been an experiment and an exploration and it has been perfect, but it has morphed and evolved. All of the trainings and knowledge are things I will never regret learning, because they brought me here, but I do know that many of them were to feed my ego, to say that with the next certification I will finally KNOW enough, I will finally have the credentials I need. Up until this point I did not see myself as a perfect being living in my creation. I kept looking for the next thing.
After sitting with all of this, my soul told me my true work was Creation, that through my creative work in the world which can take many forms I will help others to do the same. To realize how important each moment of our lives is a creation, and that flexing our creative muscles is a direct path to our souls.
Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow!