I have come to an awareness that June always brings an inner conflict for me. In my traditions of spiritual study June is the month of both fiery action, and a focus on play and spontaneity. It's the month of the muses and the fairies. But for a fiery person like me, this is a paradox. Fiery action means putting work out into the world, not "playing" and yet all I want to do is lay at the pool, be in the water, be in the mountains, be spontaneous. And hence the inner battle ensues, sometimes like in 2016 when the battle got so intense, I did nothing, and went through a very deep period of anxiety. This year I am reminded how few of us allow ourselves to play, and all the stories that come along with playing. But I can say for sure:
Playing is the Antidote
I am inspired by the PLAYFUL ones. It is the antidote to anxiety, depression, lack of connection, too much work, taking ourselves and our external worlds too seriously. It is the antidote to becoming too complacent, or being creatively blocked in our lives, work, offerings. Playing and spontaneity is actually a direct path to the Divine, the Cosmic Comedy of life here on this planet. And so why do we have so much trouble doing it? And I am speaking for myself here. Allowing myself to play is one of the deepest parts of my work on this spiritual journey. Of course, there are all the external societal stories...adults don't play, take yourself seriously, don't make yourself look stupid...it goes on. And yes that may be a part of it, but the truth is FOR ME anyway. I really don't put much stock in what society says, but that doesn't mean I don't have stories around this nonetheless, and as these things go my life is the initiation and I choose to initiate myself in play, despite how uncomfortable it may be for me, because Goddess forbid..then I won't get shit done. And yet at the same time I have been feeling a little creative block, and I know for sure play is the antidote. All my control stories can take a hike. Seriously. Without going into all the childhood reasons why I felt the need to be in control in order to feel safe I will share a story from this weekend, that brought out the shadow side of the Inner Child when things aren't going as planned.
My family and I made the decision to bring some horses into our lives, this is a new experience for us, and I was (still am) looking forward to all the wisdom the horses have to share with us, spending time with them, playing with them, being out in nature with them. A new part of our journey and adventure together as a family. Most of the planning, and research was done by my hubby, and then absolutely nothing went as planned when we picked them up and brought them home. They are amazing creatures, I am falling in love already, but as the plans started to go to shit as the weekend went on my anxiety levels were heightened. I knew in the deepest part of my being that everything would be fine and work out just as it should (and it did), but that did not prevent me from feeling out of "control" and a little pissed to be truthful. Because there were some things my intuition knew long ago, and no one listened to me. So two triggers for me, plans falling apart AND not being heard. I hate to say I told you so...just listen to me to begin with and all will be well....lol. Bringing these triggers to light yet again is the gift of all of this. Knowing that just playing and seeing what happens is my challenge, I choose to take it on with abandon. OK well, as much abandon as I can stand.
I CHOOSE TO LOOK SILLY AND NOT CARE
Because looking silly and stupid to the outside world is a fear of mine. What is your fear around allowing yourself to just play, be wild, be MUSEy, be child-like in your wonder? And imagine what life would look like it you stepped to the edge of that and did it anyway? Will you join me? Or are you one, who has no problem being in the Inner Child playful energy? And if you are, I welcome you to share your wisdom with me.
I would also love your favorite ways to play! Mine are dancing, painting, playing "dress up" and wearing outrageous things.
So as the summer commences in earnest, another thing I am doing is re-looking at my schedule to BE SURE I allow for play, and do it in the morning rather than work in the morning which is a "switcheroo" for me. Mostly because I want to be in the water as much as I can, and so far this summer we have afternoon storms rolling in. So water time is morning time. This for me, will take some adjusting, because I like to "get things done" before I play. This is the challenge and the experiment. Are you willing to "switch things up" or "shake things up" to allow more play and freedom in your life? I may even show up at the pool with my swimsuit and a feather boa, who knows.
Love and Light,
Join us in my private facebook group to continue the conversation about inviting in the Magical Child and allowing for some playtime!