Many of you know the story of my dark night of the soul that I went through in 2016, and the gifts that came out of that time of my life. Some of you don't know it, and I am pleased to announce that my story is being published in a book called Ready to Fly-Volume II along with 14 other women of courage who chose to stand up and tell their stories. But the short version is a tale of how when you ignore, push down, even hate the shadow aspects of your personality, that eventually they will come up and you will be hit with a cosmic 2x4, that can come up as all sorts of things. Illness, depression, anxiety, confusion, lack of focus, lack of purpose, self-sabotaging habits, addictions, anger, rage, frustration, thinking you should be something or someone other than what you are, and deep sadness all the ways the shadow parts of you show herself when she is being ignored instead of loved.
One of the many great lessons I learned from this, besides complete surrender, was to be very consciously aware of my shadows,To love those parts of myself and bring the fragmented parts back into my being and realize that including those parts of my being are what brings the wholeness. Not by ignoring them, or trying to "talk them away." I do this as a regular practice, but once or twice a year I really dive deep into what stories and patterns I am still running, and allowing to run me. Which ones am I willing to burn in the fire so I can rise from the ashes and create the next version of my magnificent self? It's when we don't do this that mother archetype of the Creator/Destroyer/Preserver will force you into facing these things and then shit really hits the fan. She is always there as the fiercely loving mother who calls upon you with the deepest love to lay down the ego attachments and patterns that are keeping you from being who you are truly meant to be. She is the one who is there to call you on your bullshit, shows you how to destroy those things that are keeping you from shining your light, preserve the diamond that is your soul essence, and step into your true creation. You can keep ignoring her, or you can embrace her, love her, surrender to her, and step into the fire. This is the act of bravery that will set you free, and I know it can be scary, but on the other side it is absolutely glorious. Are you willing to step in the fire with me and not get burned? I am here with you and for you if you choose to look at these parts of yourself. It was my mentor that guided me through and continues to guide me through when I am in my process of creation and destruction, and I am here to hold that space for you. Without her, I am not sure I would have made it out of that time in 2016, nor would I have discovered what my true sacred assignment really is vs. what my ego thought it was.
So sisters what are you willing to lay gently down into the fire?
Are ready to lay down your stories of:
Not enoughness, or too-much ness? Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not wise enough, not spiritual enough. Too intense, too much.too young, too old, too everything.
Everything has to be perfect before you can share it?
Over-giving, over-doing, having no boundaries, saying yes when you should be saying no? Saying yes to everything and everyone instead of yourself, for fear you will not be loved if you have boundaries.
I don't have the time, financial, or energetic resources to be in my dream and my magic.
Not speaking your truth, being in your authentic essence, sharing your gifts (or even knowing your gifts) again for fear of isolation, not belonging, or all the other reasons you hide.
I invite you to fill in the blank__________________ of what you are willing to set fire to in order to rise into the true version of yourself.
I understand deeply that laying down these stories can be scary and uncomfortable, and I am here for you, and I am here to guide you to show up for yourself, because trust me when you lay down and burn down what you no longer need, magic happens. And I am doing it right here along side you.
This morning I woke up and my Inner Wisdom said "you have no idea what the fuck you are doing." As you might imagine my ego rebelled, but the truth is, none of us do and it was a good wake up call that told me how attached I am to having to "know everything" and despite continued work to "control everything". And so what I lay down is my need to know, my need to control, and to bring in a healthy dose of humility and beginner's mind. I am exploring the stories that I took on that to receive love I needed to be wicked smart, and then the paradox once I got into school that to be liked and accepted I needed to dumb myself down. Some of these were true, some of these were coping mechanisms my little girl's mind made up to feel safe and loved. I am ready to lay that down, claim my gifts, but not rely on them for receiving love and acceptance. To just be. To know what I know in this moment, but know I don't know everything. And that is OK.
I do hope you join me this week in my FB circle to deepen into and share more on this conversation.
Love and Light,