I feel like I have been off the grid for a year, although its only been two weeks, and what a lovely two weeks it was. When you take time for spaciousness and to "empty out" you gain new insight, new perspective, have a chance to really look at what is no longer serving you, and what is deserving of your life force energy, time and resources. Doing this process of creating space is very, very difficult for me, and being "empty" for me can be a scary space of just witnessing what is going on inside my little pea brain. It was the paradox of worrying about doing nothing, and at the same time having no desire to do anything. I was assisted by not having wi-fi in the condo where I was staying, so that was no accident. Is it difficult for you to step away, and just take some time to do some spiritual inventory? I wondered during this empty time, if I would ever have another creative idea again. I am still sitting in this place, and there is a bit of a fear of taking the empty presence too far into the shadow of inertia. But there is a stillpoint on the continuum and I know if I focus on a short daily practice of emptiness then my creativity actually opens up instead of shutting down.
I chose to go into this emptiness leading up to and during the solstice, because for my personal cycles and rhythms that is what I needed. Despite the fact that the summer solstice is all about the Fire, and taking inspired action, deciding what you will put your life force energy into to bring your seeds into fruition, I am a FIRE person, coupled with Air (thinking mind) and I can easily go into burn-out and over-thinking during this time. So for me, I had to go to the Water, and I have decided I will be at the water during the solstices. I needed the water and the earth, to come into my body, and tap into my feelings and emotions. I had to go there, so then I could use the fire to release what is no longer serving me, make space for the new, and THEN go into creative action. Because you can't decide what to spend your Life Force energy on, if you still have a bunch of spiritual space junk in your field.
What I learned is that I still spend some time in OVER-WORRY which is an "over" I decided to work with at the beginning of the year, but really hadn't. It wasn't until I quieted down long enough to witness it that I realized there are some days I wake up and I immediately begin to worry about something in the future, hasn't even happened yet, worry that something I think I WANT to happen may not happen. And well, of course it won't if I continue to worry about it, or try to control how things will unfold, as opposed to planting the seed, taking the next right action, and remaining OPEN to what the Divine has in store for me. Or really getting clear on what to LET GO of, so that my Life Force energy can be spent on what my heart and soul desires. I also realized that patience is not my virtue, I have always known that, but again I thought I did my work there, but I realized when I quieted that I was still expecting some things to happen before they are ripe and ready. I had to be grateful and cheerlead myself for what I have done and accomplished and come to terms with the fact that building a community takes time, and that it often does not have immediate gratification, but that it does have long-term juiciness of love, and light, and sisterhood. I also learned after spending time with my favorite people in the world, how much more I brought my true authentic, funny, joyful, and goofy self to the table, and that in my work I am still holding back. It's not that I am not authentic, but for sure I am still holding back parts of my essence, I am still being "too serious" in my work, instead of holding the paradox of doing deep work AND being funny and irreverant. BEING the MUSE. My fear of being seen as goofy or weird still lies under the surface, and so I hold back. Where do you hold back your essence from being seen?
So now that I am back, spirit has told me a few things. One, is I don't need to spend as much time on the computer as I have been, I truly didn't miss much, so much of it is all an illusion. I am better served to hop on, reach out, and offer to make deeper connections with the few instead of the many, and sit and chat in studio with women who would like to be a part of my community, and there are so many ways in which to do that with me.
TWO- it is time to shift my daily and weekly rhythms, so that I teach and work with clients later in the day, so that the spaciousness I need is built in, to do my daily physical, emotional, spiritual, and creative practices before the "day" really gets started, or I won't do them. I realized (and yes I was out of town) but that I had not put paintbrush to canvas, or ink to journal in over three weeks..because see number one...spending way too much time in the social media matrix. And if I don't do these things, I have no really great creative ideas, because it is the process of Intentional Creativity, that I teach that assists me in tapping into my spirit and the muse. If I am not doing the work, I can't teach the work.
THREE- This is where you come in. I often develop classes and workshops based on what I am dealing with in my own life, or what I have dealt with and transformed. Assuming perhaps that I know what you want. I may not always be right. I am equipped with years of study and personal practice in transformational and spiritual techniques, as well as, creative practices. So I am asking you, WHAT DO YOU WANT? I would love to hear your feedback, do you want deep Intentional Creativity classes where we dive into a "story" we have been telling ourselves and transform it through visualization and painting? These are longer more intense classes. Do you want shorter art journaling processes, what types of mixed media art would you like to do?Do you want to keep it light and fun like my mermaid class, or more deep explorations? Do you want women's circle and community---and what themes would you like to work with? Do you want one on one guidance towards creating a vision and bringing it into form? Do you want online circles, in person, both? Do you want to learn more about working with the Divine Feminine in your life and your rhythms? Learning to be in the flow, and at the same time bringing things into action, gently, and when they are ready? Do you want to learn what it means to hold the paradox of being a Warrior and a Goddess?
I am really, really desiring your feedback, because now that I am back, I turn my focus towards where my Life Force energy will go between now and Winter Solstice. And I realized that is a balance between what my heart and soul desires are, and how to best serve the community, and grow it. Because the truth is, my deepest heart and soul desire is to have a vibrant community of women to come together, share, witness, grow, and transform, so that we can all be in service to the world during these turbulent times. I want us all to hold space for each other as we navigate the waters, HOW I do that is up to the Divine and so I am open to whatever wants to happen. Please let me know what wants to happen for you, and how I can best be of service to you.